Oops

Still can't get over the title thing

We Have Titles Now?

I not dead, well not yet at least.

 It been a long time since I posted, I thought many times of just closing this Xanga down.

 Besides, it’s no longer the “hip” place to be.

 Yes, I am still as reluctant as ever to jump on the conformist wagon.

 It’s me and I like it. Anyways, I have decided to make a post here because lately I have had a lot on my mind, stuff that leaks into your head over time and if no properly dispersed then it can cause serious repercussions.

 That’s so formal, it makes my head sound like it’s sewer drainage ditch.

 Ha, maybe it is.

 It’s a compliment really, all life came from nothing more then a bunch of shit that was supposedly struck by lightning. I guess I should carry around an iron rod when it starts raining.

Dream:
Pronunciation: 'drEm
Function: noun, often attributive
: a series of thoughts, images, or emotions occurring during sleep and especially during REM sleep.

That’s a pretty little definition. it has everything a mind needs. Well, it doesn’t have everything. like why do we dream. Is it that it is just a discharge of the brain and has no meaning beyond that. If so then I’d rather just deem the matter irrelevant but the fact that the next character you see is not a period tells you that I believe there is something more to it.  I have no reason for I am not longer a person of reason. I’m rambling off now, let me just continue.

My dreams the past few days have haunted me. Two night in a row I was bombarded with dreams that taunted me with mistakes of my past, lost loves and bad decisions, and what might be my future. I have always seen a lot in my dreams, they are the only unbiased means I have of seeing what is inside of me. So when they scream of violence then I am truly frightened. I don’t scared a lot, as a matter of fact I don’t really remember the last time I was truly afraid but these dreams are something else. I just hope they mean nothing and I am just wasting my time by typing this.

I should really be studying for a test so I’m done.

I’ll be extremely surprised if anyone sees this.

I should be sleeping right now but I figured I’d make a quick entry. It’s funny how when ever I am rushing to get to bed I end up doing something that is pointless to take up the time I don’t have.

I have started classes again at MCC if you haven’t guessed. I think I’m going to like this semester since I have an abundance of friends this semester. It’s not that I can’t get by with out them, seeing how I have gone 2 years without many friends, but it is nice to have them. Most of the time spent at that school is ether me in class or me walking around the school listening to my MP3 player. I bet you that I freak a lot of people out at that school because I’m one of those people that always seems to be around but no on knows anything about. I have always been a drifter and I’m starting to like it. After that whole thing in high school where I would give my left testicle for a girlfriend, I really don’t mind being alone.

It’s funny how you go through so much shit to prevent yourself from being alone and after the whole trip you feel relieved to just be alone again. Hell, I can barely manage my own life and keep myself happy, let alone another person. I remember when I was afraid that I would be alone for my whole life, now I say, “Bring it on!”.  This could just be a temporary thing, but what isn’t temporary in life? It’s kinda stupid to expect something not to change in a being that is ever changing. I can’t even plan for the test I have to take tomorrow let alone the rest of my life.

Numbers. I’m starting to like these little things. For the last two semesters I have hated my math classes with a passion. Hours and hours of teachers going on about numbers and how to manipulate them. There seemed to be people in the class that liked it and from that I can guess, these people would love an assembly line job. I mean, what other job in this world would allow you to manipulate objects without giving a damn with what you started with or what you’re going to end up with. You just do the same damn calculations over and over again… That’s algebra. After taking some calculus, I have discovered that not all math is boring. When you use math to prove events in nature then the math regains its purpose. Math is the language of nature, it is our representation or values the mimic the rules of nature. When you separate the value from its meaning then you aren’t really doing anything. Think of it as running in place, why would you continue to run if the act of running is not getting a reaction at all. That’s why so many people hate math. Math doesn’t mean anything unless it is proving something.

I have been trying to create some sort of art again like I have it in the past. I can’t seem to do it anymore. I have the will to create but I have lost the power. This further proves that I am not an artist. I am always battling with myself, would I make a better artist or a machine? I see the depths of reality and the simple fact of life… There is no purpose to life but the purpose we as humans give it. Yet, life is bunch of reactions. Which one holds more weight?

Whenever I get lonely I just sleep it off.

I will fix the grammar errors later.